Falling plate range ... watch and shoot , watch and shoot ! ( content warning - includes discussion of genitalia)

Living with Gender Dysphoria is like being on a shooting range where you have those targets that pop up and then you knock the target back down by hitting it with a bullet. 

Those of you  who have read my other postings will know that i started a GnRH analogue in December 2018,  although i had socially transitioned in January 2018 and started Hormonal treatment in April 2018 - the Endocrinologist i have seen privately   tends to do it this way  with  patients who are in their late 30s or older to see if their testosterone production gets sufficiently suppressed by taking estrogen along or whether someone needs  the helping hand of  some nature of anti-androgen...

Dysphoria  constantly moves and changes especially once you  start treatment and  your  body phenotype starts to shift... Some dysphoric feelings are alleviated as you  start to grow breasts, as your hair grows out and if you are  lucky thinning areas being to fill in. I had never had particularly 
focused genital dysphoria  until I started blockers... But I'd knocked some of the other targets down; I have breast development, my body hair is thinner and slower growing, my hair is growing out and  the  thin spot on my  crown is  filling in even if my hairline is still dysphoria triggering...   

Then bam! it hit the loathing of that tissue there between my legs , why  was it there,  what had i done to deserve this ... calm rational Nicola takes over ' deep breath, live with it don't do anything  stupid', you've seen the  handy work of Mr Thomas or Miss Rashid , you've heard about the handiwork of Mr Fenton  and  Mr Bellringer ...

I have to dissociate it now, it's not a penis ... the glans is a clitoris supported by  the donor material that will be used to turn a congenital deformity into what it should have been all along.



 

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