To my Mum
Dear Mum
I know you have found the past couple of years difficult. That is not a surprise really. 15 years ago you thought you had two loving sons embarking on their professional careers, the Emergency Department Nurse and the Police Constable. Yes we all mourned my Dad, a wonderful pragmatic man who inspired his children to strive hard and act with integrity and honesty.
7 year ago it all started to unravel, Your elder child's life unravelled, 'his' job came to an end due to struggles at work, technically homeless but still guiltily trying to hang on to a life with a spouse.
7 year ago it all started to unravel, Your elder child's life unravelled, 'his' job came to an end due to struggles at work, technically homeless but still guiltily trying to hang on to a life with a spouse.
4 and a half years ago you thought you got your son back... but all ready he was hiding a secret from you, within the year , new friends and new persepective on things brought that truth to the front. You met Nicola you showed her love but deep down you hoped it was just a thing, a phase ...
2 years ago you realised she wasn't going to go away, but you liked the joy she brought into people's lives, you liked the light she brought back into your 'son'...
Then she dropped a bombshell... your son was a liar, a complete fabrication and he was going to go, to disappear... you have a Daughter you always had had a daughter just she didn't know how to get out of the cage society had created for her ... a cage called 'that boy'... Then came the guilt and the blame, despite the fact Nicola held you close and told you were not to blame, that she loved loved and hoped you would love her as you had loved that boy.
I wish this could be different but this is the hand i've been dealt.
I know it sounds dramatic, but equally this will not be a revelation to you as i have said it to you ; The choice was simple and stark - a living happy daughter or a dead (whether actually or metaphorically) son.
I am Nicola Jayne, I am me I am your daughter, and I love my mum
2 years ago you realised she wasn't going to go away, but you liked the joy she brought into people's lives, you liked the light she brought back into your 'son'...
Then she dropped a bombshell... your son was a liar, a complete fabrication and he was going to go, to disappear... you have a Daughter you always had had a daughter just she didn't know how to get out of the cage society had created for her ... a cage called 'that boy'... Then came the guilt and the blame, despite the fact Nicola held you close and told you were not to blame, that she loved loved and hoped you would love her as you had loved that boy.
I wish this could be different but this is the hand i've been dealt.
I know it sounds dramatic, but equally this will not be a revelation to you as i have said it to you ; The choice was simple and stark - a living happy daughter or a dead (whether actually or metaphorically) son.
I am Nicola Jayne, I am me I am your daughter, and I love my mum
So powerful. Thank you for saying outloud what we and our Mums have come through.
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